After some consideration, I realized that I belong in Reform Judaism.   I am happy where I am at. I also have to have some respect for my relationships and my self.   I am where I belong.    I still want to work on having a practice of Davening, I want to continue to study Torah, Talmud, and Mishnah etc.  I just want to remain true to myself as a Reform Jew.   I do still want to continue reading from Renewal authors...I still find inspiration from them as well.    I know I can't be Orthodox and be true to myself unfortunately.